Exploring Methods of M, M, C, A, & Aggrandizing the Self

Part A - I had to give a little background of the purpose of the question so my friend would not get defensive and suspicious. I just told her that we were focusing on the concept of emptiness and asked her what she thought of emptiness. She was broad sometimes so I had to connect the questions back to her and asked the significance of the things she used to fill her emptiness. I was also trying to get away from the cliche answer, even though it came up, but she also gave me another answer.

So I asked her what she thought emptiness is and she said it was having no goals in life. I tried to connect the conversation to her so I asked her what goals does she have and she said at the moment, trying to get into college. I decided to dig deeper into the college thing so I asked her what is so significant about college and she said that it allows students to figure out what they career they want to pursue. We talked about careers for a while and she said most people pursue a career because they want the money. She emphasized a lot of money so I asked her why would people want so much money. She said people want to better the world and I told her that no one cares if you better the world (emphasis on the you). She said it does matter because people will ask her to continue to better the world and I asked if that is what she wanted. At first, she avoided the question but then she said yes.

It all comes back to the self; even if she said she did things for herself, she actually did it to get attention. I think people are pretty narcissistic, whether they do things to feel good about themselves or things so others can feel good about them. Basically, everything comes back to the self. I think her method of filling in her emptiness is typical. People create goals in life and when they fail to reach it, they look down on themselves. Goals are just another way to make the hole of emptiness bigger.

Edits 12/21/09:
Part B - There is this thing about my ponytail, that I never let it out. When asked why I never let my ponytail out, I usually just shrug and let the question slide but one time, I took the time to think about it. The initial reason why I tie my hair up is so that my hair would not bother me. But after tying it up for so long, people develop this urge to see it down. I thought about it and I think it is because I did not want to create this drama. People are like "lemme see yur hair down, leme see your hair down." And if I put it down, people would scream "oh my god, your hair is down!" So to avoid this, I leave it up. But one can also argue that I am seeking attention this way. I could just get over this drama; people do not stay on one drama, they move on. But it can also seem that I am trying to get attention by keeping my hair up and not let anyone see it down. And people tend to want what they cannot have, so if I do not let them see my hair down, it reinforces their urge to see it down.

I think having younger siblings is a good way to aggrandize myself. As an older sister, I have power over my younger siblings. I also realize that I seem to have more power over my brother (the youngest) than my sister. I tend to ask my brother to do me favors than my sister because I know that she would ask for favors in return. She has the right to ask me for favors but that makes me seem at the same level as she is so I think this is why I tend to ask my brother to do favors. Thus, my brother makes me feel "powerful," but I think it also has to do with age difference.