Parenting 102

When Ms. Plaza was asked if she would correct her child immediately when her child does something wrong, she said that it "depends; if it is in danger." Ms. Plaza called her child an it; does Ms. Plaza feel superior to her child? Does she think that her child is just a little animal that cries and crawls? Maybe people do have children to have meaningful lives, like Snyder says; parents are like Gods to them, their creator. Cindy, like many other kids including myself, have been taught to call our parents, with a pronoun rather than their name. She says that only her peers can call her by her first name, her children cannot; and maybe this is because she was brought up to call her superiors mom, dad.

I thought it was weird for Mr. Marks to compare the experience of having children to a science fair. He makes it sound like children are our experimenting objects and we all try to get the better outcome so it makes the experimenter look good. Marks also said that the middle class coaches their kids while the lower class tells their kids what to do and "the natural approach does not prepare kids for the economy." He also said that the middle class bothers to do research for their kids while the lower class waits for things to happen to their kids. This reflects the economy; because of capitalism, many parents use the normal approach to prepare their kids for the economy. While the economy allows the middle class to be more educated to coach their kids, the lower class does not know enough so they were told what to do and so will their kids. The middle class works hard for the outcome so they do research on parenting while most of the lower class are tired of trying to become rich so they just wait for things to happen and do the same for their kids.

I do not feel like I have learned much from this short parenting mini unit; I still do not know how kids should be parented, whether it should be an authoritative, authoritarian, or permissive style. There were not specific things that stood out to me; the research and interviews just reinforced the obvious. Marks did say that he took his daughter to various places like the music class to broaden her choices in the future. He also said that when you have kids, there is absolutely no time for yourself so the kid must be the center of attention. The websites said that babies should sleep with the parents and that they should be breast fed rather than formulas. What I did find out is that parenting might just be something that comes to you when you are in the situation.

However, there were some small stuff that I learned. Babies do not get spoiled when you attend their needs very often, it is a method of communication. Marks said that having kids will make you a slave, and I totally agree; you would have to keep your eye on the kid 24 hours a day and "look like a moron" to make them happy. In the future if I ever have kids, I should probably take them to classes at the early years to give them a head start. Then again, maybe not having kids will save me that extra trip to depression.

Parenting 101

I think parents should sleep with their kids; it gives the kids the sense of attachment and physical connection. Breast feeding also adds to that physical connection; it is natural and does not contain harmful chemicals. Although I was the only one of my three siblings who was not breast fed, I feel like I can connect more with my mom. It could be possible that I will lose that connection in the future or that because I did not have that connection when I was an infant, I yearn for that connection. Of course, there are other factors that affect parent-child relationships; I was brought up by my parents themselves along with my older sister while my younger siblings were sent back to China because my parents did not have the time to look after them. Most people would probably say that kids should be the center of attention but I sometimes wonder if all the attention is healthy for the kids. I am afraid that if a kid gets too much attention, then the kid will grow accustom to the attention and might ask for more attention when the kid does not get it.

I think I would be a horrible parent and this is why I wonder whether a child should have all the attention or not. Kids need a lot of attention, thus, they should be treated like puppies. But if the kid is capable of acting like an adult (which is rare), then I believe that they have the right to be treated like adults. I think that parenting can come naturally if one can pick it up quickly when exposed to other parents and their kids. But I think that there should be some research done; does not have to be books, could be asking other parents for help. My parents never read books on parenting; I think that my mom learned to parent from her parents, just by observing how she and her siblings were treated. She probably asked her mom when she was helpless at times but she knew how to treat a swollen ankle with starch and vinegar. Kids learn from their parents, therefore, if they were physically disciplined, then they will discipline their kids physically also.

The authoritative, authoritarian, and permissive parenting styles were first introduced to me two or three years ago. At that time, I thought the authoritative (consisting of elements from both the authoritarian and permissive) parenting was the ideal type of parenting. However, in the parenting descriptions, Baumrind makes all of then sound beautiful and positive in their own way. Then in the background information, she seems to favor the authoritative parenting, then the authoritarian parenting, and implies that the permissive parenting does not work at all. I think that my mom is using the authoritarian parenting style; I tend to give up easily and my brother often swings his arms when he does not get what he wants.

I think the Attachment Parenting website basically states things that a nurturing mother should know with a few exceptions that I learned. It should obvious that the mother should be physically close with her child; this includes breast feeding and sleeping with the child. What I did not know is that carrying your baby around wherever you go allows the child to be more alert. The website also touches upon the question of whether a mother would be spoiling the child if she attended to all the child's needs. The website says that being attentive to the baby's needs builds trust between the baby and the parent. When, then, does a mother stop attending to the baby's needs; when does the baby start to take advantage?

Interviews & Survery Questions

On a scale of 1-5 (1 being the lowest), how:

1. open are you?
2. easily do you make friends?
3. difficult do you find it to approach someone?
4. much do you avoid unnecessary interactions?
5. much do you talk?

6. Do you talk to your acquaintances about your life? If so, why?

Person #1:

On a scale of 1-5 (1 being the lowest), how:

1. open are you? 4
2. easily do you make friends? 4
3. difficult do you find it to approach someone? 2
4. much do you avoid unnecessary interactions? 4
5. much do you talk? 3.5

6. Do you talk to your acquaintances about your life? If so, why? No

Person #2:

On a scale of 1-5 (1 being the lowest), how:

1. open are you? 4
2. easily do you make friends? 5
3. difficult do you find it to approach someone? 1
4. much do you avoid unnecessary interactions? 5
5. much do you talk? 4

6. Do you talk to your acquaintances about your life? If so, why? Yes; because if they want to know, I'm open to telling them. Just not the really personal stuff.

Person #3:

On a scale of 1-5 (1 being the lowest), how:

1. open are you? 2
2. easily do you make friends? 5
3. difficult do you find it to approach someone? 3
4. much do you avoid unnecessary interactions? 1
5. much do you talk? 3

6. Do you talk to your acquaintances about your life? If so, why? No

First I needed to determine whether or not the person I interviewed was an extrovert so I stole the first 5 questions from the personality test we took. The way I determined this was, the person had to score a 3 or above on questions 1,2, or 5 or a 3 or lower on questions 2 and 3. If the person fulfilled 3 or more of these criteria, then that person is an extrovert. By looking at my data, all three of them fulfilled 4 of the criteria. Then I wanted to see whether they interacted with their acquaintances and were open enough to tell their acquaintances about their life. To my surprise, only 1 person would. This interview/survey provided evidence to support the claim that being more social does not mean that one needs more attention from the people they see daily. But I think this survey was not enough to determine this; instead of asking whether they talk to their acquaintances about their life, I think I should have made it broader and asked how many times they make conversations with their acquaintances and about what. This way, we get to see why people need other people and how frequently do we ask of our acquaintances.

Survey Question: How often do you talk to your acquaintances about your life?

HW 55

Part 1:

What social and emotional needs can be met by people we see daily?

Part 2:

Jia Min: It seems like you have more questions for your second topic so you would have more to write about and research on. I would go with that one and it sounds pretty interesting. Maybe your EQ can be "What more does a closer friend have to do than just a friend?"

Amber: Interesting question. Are you focusing on family or other people? I think attention is the word; why do people tend to seek attention outside the family. Just a suggestion.

Part 3:

What emotional needs can be met by our acquaintances?

Lewin, Tamar. "Teenage Insults, Scrawled on Web, Not on Walls." http://www.nytimes.com/2010/05/06/us/06formspring.html. New York Times. Web. 12 May 2010.

Formspring.me is a website that allows teenagers to write anonymous comments instead of writing on bathroom walls. Since the comments are anonymous, teenagers often insult the user. The user can select comments s/he chooses to post and answer to but most do not filter the nasty ones; they are more tempted to post them. One teenager had stopped wearing a particular clothing because someone had made a comment on it. The website has even caused a suicide of a teenager because of the nasty comments posted about him.

Teenagers take advantage of the nasty and inappropriate comments from other people to attract attention to themselves. Other teenagers that we see daily, but do not consider as friends, serve as a game piece to draw attention. It is the same thing as going to a party and making out with someone so that you have something to tell your friends about, thus drawing attention to yourself. Users are crushed by the critical comments on the website but they still read them. It seems that people who are not that close to you would be the ones telling you the truth and it is the only way you can figure out how to "fix" yourself. People you see daily are there to give you feedback on how you should act or how you should look.

Lloyd, Tracey. "The Process Of Deindividuation." http://social-therapy.suite101.com/article.cfm/the_process_of_deindividuation. Suite101.com. Web. 13 May 2010.

Deindividuation "suggests that strong identification with a group culture may lead to decreased personal responsibility." This terminology was created in the 1950s by Festinger. Psychologists believe that individuals behave more aggressively than those who are deindividualized. Deindividualizing one allows the responsibility to be shared among the group so that one does not need to carry all the burden. The article goes on, giving examples of evidence proving the success of deindividuation.

This is not the best article but I think the concept of deindividuation partly answers the question why teachers like to put us in groups and why we are in classrooms as opposed to homeschooling. When we work on projects with a group, we do not have to be responsible for all the requirements because we have others to share the responsibility. As a whole class, we do not have to feel like we need to have all the answers because we have others in class to build ideas off of. Our classmates are there to carry some of the responsibility so that we do not have to take it on by ourselves.

Cherry, Kendra. "Effects of Group Size on Problem Solving." http://psychology.about.com/od/psychologynews/qt/groupsize.htm. About.com. Web. 13 May 2010.

Working in groups of three to five people do better at tasks than just one person alone. A study done with groups of three provided results showing that the group was able to solve more difficult problems. The study also show that just two people is not enough, the group must consist of three to five people; working with just two people is just as bad as one person working alone.

Again, this connects to my students in the classroom; we often work in groups because more heads are better than one. Maybe teachers should consider this study and allow students to work in groups of three to five people to see if any significant changes occur. As students, other students serve as other brains that we can work off of, or better phrase, work together with.

HW 54

Part 1:

I took the Jung test result and I thought the percent breakdowns were pretty accurate but the second box was not. The results show that I am introverted, sensing, feeling, and perceiving. But then it says artist and that I am interested in fine arts, express primarily through art form. In fact, I am no artist, not very interested in fine arts, and rarely express myself through the form of art. I feel like this test does not provide sufficient information to determine whether it is useful. It just breaks the categories down but does not give a description of your personality.

On the other hand, I thought this test was pretty accurate for J.M.H.; she is introverted, intuitive, feeling, and judging. She keeps a lot of things to herself, tries to find meaning behind everything, sensitive, and draws conclusions really quickly. The second part of the results was pretty accurate; I think she has some sort of drive to help others and enjoys doing it. She has a very complex personality. I think that the Big Five Test is more accurate and useful because it explains what the results mean. J.M.H. scored low for the extroversion part which suggests that she is reclusive, quiet, unassertive, and secretive which is very true.

Part 2:

I thought that my brother was an ISTP but his results were ISFP. As discussed in class, these personality tests measure how one view one's preferences rather than one's personality. Therefore, I think these test will entertain (like the audience at a magic show) those who were truthful when taking the test. This test did not really do anything for my brother or for me; he just took it and went back to watching videos. The test did not make me stop and think about how he is going to act in the future or change how I will act towards him. Basically, I take these tests for fun to see how accurate the questions being asked are.

Survey Analysis

Part 2:

This survey actually made me think thoroughly about the questions and reflect on them. Those were the questions that made me put myself back into the situation so I could get the full feel from it even if these situations were daily occurrences. They were not that personal (except for one or two) since they were anonymous and I did not feel pressured in answering them.

Part 3:

I was surprised to see that 30 people said that they talk to an adult in their family for more than 5 minutes every day but only 24 have more than 20 minutes of "face time" with a caring adult per day. Do their family not care about them for at least 20 minutes? I also noticed that 32.7% of those who took the survey chose maybe when asked whether friendship is for their own benefit. Do we really not know if we are taking advantage of friendship or we do not want to admit that we are using other people? On the other hand, 39.2% said that people think about themselves only; then why did 32.7% choose maybe when asked if they were thinking about themselves when making friends. The popular vote went to not much when asked if they made others feel bad to make themselves feel good. I had expected the popular vote to go to not at all; are we that selfish or is there an excuse behind it? 21 people said that they were not sure if they were happy about their identities; just shows that the represented population is still creating their identity. I was also surprised that the popular answer was affirmative when asked if people were tired of others in school. Why is this the case; have we been with each other for too long that we want to meet new people?? Why do we want to see new people, can't we just stay with each other? Is it because people change or we know them long enough to see their true self and start to dislike them? The popular vote went to maybe when asked whether people worry what others thought of them. I expected the votes to lean towards the negative side because I always hear people say that they don't care what others thought of them.

Part 3:

In the NYCGOV website survey, survey found that more than 50% of high school students had been sexually active; in our sample size, exactly 50% answered yes. 8% of NYC high school students are having safe sex, much lower than the percentage shown in our survey. One reason for this huge difference is that our sample size was not large enough to represent the whole population, in this case, NYC high school students. Within this small sample size, the number of people who were not truthful when filling out this survey can cause an effect on the results. One thing that was not provided on the website were the questions that were asked in the survey. The questions in the surveys could have been worded differently and this could also cause a change in the answers that will change our results.

Initial Theories of Human Relationships

Parents like to take their anger out on their kids when they are in a bad mood. Like when your brother gets your mom mad and when you come home, your mom starts to yell at you. Not only parents do this, but friends, acquaintances, and strangers do this to us. When your friend is already in a bad mood, you walk up to say hi him/her and s/he gives you the attitude. I believe psychologists call this catharsis. Catharsis is when someone lets out all their emotions so that they can feel better afterward. If a person is having a bad day at work, they could go take it out at the boxing ring. Psychologists would not recommend this method to relieve emotions; catharsis makes one more prone to the emotion. Does that mean we should find other ways to relieve our emotions? What other choices do we have?

I sometimes see people chase after things they cannot get. Like people who are obsessed with the Jonas Brothers or Justin Bieber, they know they cannot marry these people, so why bother saying so? Maybe it gives the people something to long for, to give their life a purpose, to keep them distracted and busy. They know they cannot marry these famous people but they want to experience this obsession, so they chase after these stars. And when they meet the stars or get the chance to spend time with the stars, they would not know what to do because people would not know how to deal with these situations.

Humans are always resetting our reference levels; whether it is the level of happiness, or the level of our metabolism. When we eat a certain amount of food for a long period of time, our body gets used to this amount and expects us to continue eating this much. It is the same thing with our hormones, when we secrete too much epinephrine, our body considers this as the normal amount and therefore our body needs to secrete more to make us happy. Our level of happiness is similar to this concept. When we receive something in life, for example a raise in salary, we get really happy but then we adapt to this change. Our happiness level drops or our body resets the normal level and I think that is why we do not take the time to appreciate what we have; we are constantly looking for other things to cheer us up.

I think understanding people is most important in any relationship; sometimes, the truth or trust is not enough. When interacting with someone, you must understand where this person is coming from; you can look at things from that person's perspective and learn to accept their thinking. By doing so, you can learn what they want and work with it so that you can get what you want, resulting in a win-win situation. Every relationship needs understanding and I think that is what we all look for in a relationship. Whether it is a friend we can talk to about problems, a parent we can talk to about school, or a coworker we can talk to about our boss.

I find it funny sometimes when have to say sorry when you get into someone's way, even though you do not mean it and if you do not say sorry, they think you are rude. Now, it is almost a reflex to say sorry when bumping into someone. This is New York City and we will find ourselves bumping into people one after the other and we will have to say sorry over and over again. Can this be avoided so we can say more meaningful things or is New York City inevitable?