Online Suggestions

Henry:
Do you have a source for the numbers in your first paragraph? I think that it is a good evidence to have for your paper.

What I got from the first paragraph is that most American teenagers have a facebook and most of them use it on a daily basis. Facebook allows people to communicate through instant messaging, quizzes, and notes. Conversations on facebook take longer than direct conversations so people feel as if they are still connecting even when they are not talking.

You say that people have cellphones so they can connect and find people. Then you go into texts and how people do it in school, from one classroom to another. Even outside of school, people use texts instead of calls. I would suggest you broaden your paragraph and talk about cellphones and you can also talk about texting in your paragraph. Otherwise, I would find another example that shows addiction to texting, like the lecture on 9/9 I think, when Lauren was texting and it was only a casual conversation.

You did a nice job explaining your evidence but it was only one evidence. You need more evidence showing the addictiveness of video games. Maybe bring Johnson into your paper.

Kate:
Cut: "This mass trash epidemic had caused the total evacuation of human kind" and "The cruise was supposed to be up to 5 years but wound up being around 500 years."

Even the older generations know nothing of what is outside of their screens.

The most anyone would do being active is to (can talk about wii) play video games and even those have you staring at a screen being passive.

In your first paragraph, you say that people are so stuck onto the screen that they do not notice the world outside the screen. Examples you used are the captain who did not know what a plant was, he did not know how to read "manual," and even we are inserting ipods into ourselves; closing out our connection to nature.

I thought of an opposing pov for you but I don't know if it'll work. You say that everything on screen is fake but I can argue that unlike some applications (AIM, facebook), webcams are more "real."

I don't know if you think that you have developed enough evidence in your second paragraph but if not, I would suggest talking about Feed and m-chat, etc.

I actually don't know what your last paragraph is going to be about. You have 3 separate paragraphs at the end and it all seem to support your arguments you have already mentioned. Your second to last paragraph could be evidence for your nature argument.

You could talk about how corporations are brainwashing us for your third argument. You already talk about how it is seen in Feed, you could talk about how it applies to your life.