She walks into advisory, head up high, with nike dunks, skinny jeans, hoodie with the hood half on, and shades. As soon as one person notices her, conversations start to die down until the room got quiet. All heads turns towards her direction. She looks around the room, as if carefully choosing who to sit next to. She walks steadily, not too fast and not too slow, to a seat in the far corner away from everyone else. As she took her seat, heads turn around to their initial position and the volume in the room slowly increases. People start to talk about the new girl that just walked in with her dunks and shades. She just sits there with her hands in the pocket of her hoodie, looking off into the distance, deep in thought. Her skinny jeans outline her legs and it looks comfortable on her; it does not look tight like those that do not let the legs breathe, it looks just right. If she had chosen to wear a super skinny jean, her style would be ruined.
One of the popular girls skips over to her with a big smile on her face and offers her hand to the new girl. The new girl takes her hand out of her pockets and shakes it firmly. It was as if she was shaking hands with cold rubber, if rubber ever grows hands. The popular girl starts talking giddily like she was selling the best product in the world and you could tell she was trying to recruit people. After no more than three sentences, the new girl just smiles and thanks her for her time while the muscles on the popular girl’s face loosen. The popular girl stalks off to her group of girls who were waiting for her results. She flung her arms slightly as she walked away and it was obvious she was a little embarrassed, despite her pale face.
The new girl puts her hands back into her pocket and looks around the room to see a bunch of faces looking at her. As she makes eye contact with each of them, they look away and continue their conversation about her. Just as she was about to continue her thoughts from before the popular girl came to interrupt her, a dude comes over and sits next to her. He just sits there and stares, trying to get her attention. If you stare at people long enough, they will sooner or later notice and turn to meet the burning laser. But the new girl, she just looks straight at the door, avoiding eye contact with him. She knows that if she gives him what he wants, she would lose. The dude starts making faces and at that time, he did not look so pretty anymore. His nose was too big and so was his mouth. But even while she sees his doings out of the corner of her eye, she manages to not move a muscle. The next thing you know, he sucks his teeth, gets up, and walks away.
Nothing was catching her attention until she sees a guy on the opposite side of the room constantly scratching his head. There is a piece of paper in front of him and he is holding a pencil but has not found a way for the pencil to meet the paper. Every time he starts to move his pencil towards the piece of paper, he stops himself as if he is not allowed to touch the paper. The new girl walks past him and just as the bell rang for next period, she slips a card on top of his paper. Startled, he looks up to find someone in a hoodie with the hood half on, skinny jeans, and nike dunks walk out the door.
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Maggie- Nice story, I like how you were very specific in your description of this cool person. Because this story is about a new girl who everyone is curious about because she is mysterious and different.
ReplyDeleteMaggie,
ReplyDeleteI really like your story. No dialogue is used, nor is it needed. Your point gets across clearly and your story makes so much sense. Your cool girl doesn't need the popular girl or the jock, she doesn't need several friends. She's just herself. I also like how your story flows, and how you described the girls clothing, to paint an image in our mind.
great job (:
-Rachel
I thought your story was very "cool", and your character was in with the fashion style but the personality was different. Not that one that wants attention but got it without doing anything.
ReplyDeleteThough the last part, passing the kid and giving a card to him was funny. A good ending.
Nice Job!~
-Yuki Sakura
Maggie- I agree with Sandy, your very descriptive when explaining your cool person. Does this come from anything? Do you wish that you were like this or is this all what you see everyone thinks of as cool? You show she has confidence and that she is not that afraid of what people think of her. I like your ending, its intriguing how she leaves the way she enters and that no one really knows anything abut her
ReplyDeleteMaggie,
ReplyDeleteYeah, I'm wondering the same thing as Kate. Your vision of a cool person seems to be a nonchalant character, one who chooses comfort over fashion. Her mysterious attitude intrigues others and the more she ignores them the more attention she gets from them because they're not used to be treated this way. Instead, she finds more interest in the guy who was keeping to himself. Being different is cool.
Maggie, I like the simplicity of your story. Though you use no dialogue, you manage to convey a very surreal atmosphere that is like a waiting room of a hospital, with small talk and frantic personalities. I like how you convey cool by seeing through other people's fake faces and this is a common thread everybody is aware but rarely do you see this in the real world, which I think helped to add to the tone of the piece.
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